S is for “Sex”


There’s no getting around it. The two most uncomfortable topics to talk about in church are money and sex. We’ll be touching on money too, but today we are talking about the big mama-jama, the “S-word,” the topic we wish our kids knew nothing about but could magically become cognizant of when they reach the ripe age of 35 while simultaneously marrying to the perfect God fearing someone.

But that’s not how it works at all. No, our kids are hearing more about sex at earlier ages than ever before at school, regular TV programing, among countless other media sources in this new information age. But, this isn’t a topic about how to talk to your kids about sex. I will say that because sex is so loudly displayed and virtually highjacked by pop culture, but more so because of how critical that a healthy view of sex is to marriage, we should be talking about it a lot more than we do! The Church, the place that is so quiet on the topic, allows sex to almost carry the label of straight up ‘dirty.’ Church should be the very place where we talk and become the most educated on the subject! Hollywood didn’t create sex, God did! He didn’t just create it for reproduction, but for our enjoyment as well. Have you read the Song of Solomon? They ain’t talkin’ about no babies! In the bible sex is sacred not secret. Though not the most important thing in marriage, it is the super glue that bonds it all together. In fact, that is the very reason that sex outside of marriage really messes with our hearts and minds. Wether we like it or not there is a real connection that we establish with that other person every time we have sex. Its just not designed to be broken and bonded and broken again with several people; it messes us up.

But this post isn’t about sex out side of marriage either. No, this is about sex at it’s best, in a place where it is designed to grow and flourish into something greater and more fulfilling than we can imagine!

"The predominant message in our culture is that it's okay to have sex whenever, wherever, and however we want. Sex has become just sex. But while society has taken sex too far, the church hasn't taken it far enough."

“While society has taken sex too far, the church hasn’t taken it far enough.”

Since, however, this is a series directed to men on how to love your wives, it makes sense to talk on the things that we can work on individually. Thankfully, our home church talks very openly about sex. In fact, our Pastor, Ed Young and his wife, Lisa, recently wrote a book on the subject called Sexperiment: Seven Day’s to Lasting Intimacy with Your Spouse. It’s a fantastic read and a great challenge for getting intimacy back on track in marriage. Visit TheSexperiment.com for more info on what the challenge is all about.

Recently, our Men and Women’s groups had a joint series entitled “Relationolgy.” This creative teaching was led by two teachers, each speaking to the members of the opposite sex in a community format with both classes in the same room. I’m not gonna lie, there were definitely red faces in the room and a lot of nervous tension and laughter but there was also a LOT of note taking by men and women. People who had never picked up a pen before in the entire semester were recording every word! That being said, Men, here are a few of my own personal bullet points:

Women love sex.

  • Just because they aren’t ‘good to go’ in a microwave minute like we are, our woman does love to be physically intimate with us.

Help to silence the voices drowning intimacy.

  • Women can have countless thoughts circulating through there minds going a mile a minute. It can be anything from how she feels that she looks, to backed up household maintenance, to work, etc. By keeping in tune with this knowledge we can think of ways to help our bride silence those voices that are keeping her from being ‘in the mood.’

Women like variety, not just in the bedroom but in things far leading up to it.

  • What is specifically romantic to your wife? Romance never gets old, its unexpected, impractical, it’s personalized. What will make your wife brag about her romantic husband?

You’re compliments give confidence.

  • Simple but greatly important practices like this can get lost when with someone over time. We need to be lifting our wives up daily in our public circles and in between the walls of our own home. If you make her feel like a Queen she will make you feel like a King.

Be patient and consider setting some goals.

Truly chances are if we had our way as men, we’d be having sex almost every other night. Your wife may not be wired that way. Something our Pastor and our Marriage Counselor has always recommended was to consider between to both of you the practice of saying ‘no’ with an appointment. Good healthy dialogue is helpful too. Ask about her needs, and communicate yours.

What are some other creative ways that we can develop and sustain a healthy and fulfilling sex life in our marriage?


Previous Loving Your Wife From A to Z Posts:

  1. A – Ask The Hard Questions
  2. B – Break up the Marital Monotony
  3. C – The Calming Effect
  4. D – Date Your Mate
  5. E – Enjoy Where You Are
  6. F – Friends
  7. G – Gravitating to Grace
  8. H – HandyMAN
  9. I – Integrity
  10. J – Jesus Centricity
  11. K – Kindle The Flame
  12. L – Lovescape
  13. M – Marathon Prayers For Boston
  14. N – Nearsighted
  15. O – Omit The Distractions
  16. P – Pray Together
  17. Q – Crown Your Queen Daily
  18. R – Rug Rats and Romance

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