I took some extra time on this one, because I know there’s so much that Amy and I just haven’t experienced yet but will be learning in the years to come. Still, I couldn’t just ignore writing about it; its too important a topic. Most marriages end up with kids- it’s kind of uh… ‘natural’ that way! And it’s NEVER to early to ask your friends who are in the thick of it! And that’s exactly what I did.
I spoke with Nick about how to keep a good focus on loving your wife in a house with four kids, all with different activities and responsibilities at home and for school.
We definitely are not perfect,” he said “but one ways is that we try to be very intentional to eliminate the distractions that could potentially take over the entire evening.”
I had to call Nick after 8:30 because between getting off of work, homework, connecting with the kids, dinner, dishes and getting the kids to bed its a very full evening! I’m sure many can relate. And yes, I did say that Nick and his wife, Alicia, get their kids to bed before 8:30! Wow- I had to be honest with Nic and tell him, our one and only child was still up! He laughed and told me that as the family roster increases 8:30pm gets to be nonnegotiable real fast!
I remember our Pastor who wrote the brilliant book Kid CEO, literally preaches to parents on putting the kids to bed early to have the opportunity to have that connecting time. His children will even tell you that, as teenagers, the law laid down in the house was go to your room and do whatever but the common area where their parents resided was off limits! Pastor also told the story about when their eldest daughter who lived on her own at the time was coming home to visit drove up the drive only to see her parent twirling their finger in a downward motion clearly indicating “Turn around!”
When Amy and I heard that we busted out in laughter, but the wisdom behind it is sound. We as husbands have to guard that connect time even from our own sons and daughters whom we love so much.
Nick and I began speaking about the repercussions that married couples can face if they don’t guard that connect time. We talked about the stories we’ve heard of marrieds that stick it out until the kids graduate and then separate on the count of feeling completely distant emotionally, spiritually, and/or intimately. Stories like that are too common and hard to hear; especially after going through all the rewardingly exhausting work and commitment of parenthood to be ‘free’ once again! Nick said something that will stick with me forever,
If you don’t guard that connect time with your spouse, your kids can become the fulcrum of your marriage. Then when they leave, you feel like you have nothing left in common.”
Even more difficult to face is that how we present our marriage with our wives will be how our kids will expect their marriages to look like. Lets break the cycle clean and Love our Brides to the fullest by intentionally guarding that connect time. The rug rats we love might kick and scream but we’ll be leaving them with a legacy to secure that special and rare romance in their marriages as well!
What are some other creative ways to protect that connect time with our wives?
Previous Loving Your Wife From A to Z Posts:
- A - Ask The Hard Questions
- B - Break up the Marital Monotony
- C - The Calming Effect
- D - Date Your Mate
- E - Enjoy Where You Are
- F - Friends
- G - Gravitating to Grace
- H - HandyMAN
- I - Integrity
- J - Jesus Centricity
- K - Kindle The Flame
- L - Lovescape
- M - Marathon Prayers For Boston
- N - Nearsighted
- O - Omit The Distractions
- P - Pray Together
- Q – Crown Your Queen Daily