A is for “Asking Hard Questions”

Asking Hard Questions

Who can find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above rubies. (Proverbs 31:10)


…value the condition of my bride’s heart over me being right!

I had asked my wife Amy to think of five ways that I could help to keep her love tank full. What could I do or do better? As Amy began to list them out one by one I could feel my ego prepping all the common interjections to plead it’s case; “But”, “well that’s because”, and “no that’s not really” were just a few that were on deck timing the pitches. Tonight, however, I was trying something new.

The experiment might not work at all, but it was worth a try. No matter how much I disagreed or felt misinterpreted I wasn’t going to interject; but listen. Regardless of what I felt was true from my perspective, this was how my wife was feeling from her perspective, and that needed to resonate as the only truth that mattered. Amy was my Queen, and I wanted her to feel like nothing less.

After my wife finished with number five I looked back at the notes that I literally wrote down and began to think creatively of ways that I could love her more completely in each of the areas. Freeing myself to listen I did start seeing more from her perspective than I thought that I might. Still, it wasn’t easy. It was rough!

After hearing her share her heart’s needs, my heart was needing some love itself.  So, I asked my wife who was at this point completely unguarded, relaxed, and loved in this newly found moment-

What are five things that I do well in
helping to keep your love tank full?

My beautiful Bride, having been granted the floor to connect her needs freely with my heart and quieted mind, was more than happy to list off several things that I had done regularly that made her feel loved.

So, I got the benefit of getting critical intel on how to be a better Romeo and I got the clear confirmation that she loved being my Juliet?!! I felt like I had just stormed the beaches of Normandy, captured enemy forces without firing a single shot, and freed the super hot damsel in distress! I knelt beside my wife and prayed over the needs that she had communicated. We prayed for the wisdom, strength, and burning desire to meet them. It was one of the most impactful talks we’d had in a long time.

I’d strongly recommend any married couple to give this exercise a try.  See what you come up with! 

  1. Pray and ask the hard questions
  2. Listen, Shut up, Listen, Take notes, Listen
  3. Fish Shamelessly for the compliment of confirmation
  4. Pray with your wife on your five topics
  5. Creatively, strive to meet those needs regularly

See you tomorrow for the next topic
Loving Your Wife From A to Z:
“Break the Monotony.”

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